Pursue.

Singing. Typical.

It's crazy for me to think radically the Lord has moved me in the past nine(ish) months. I came to Aggieland thinking I had it all together. I was going to join a church, get involved, join Habitat for Humanity of College Station, and join some type of community theatre or a cappella group. I was also going to be really involved within the International Studies department here, because that's what I'm majoring in, and just something that I'm really passionate about.

God had other plans (shocking, I know.) I did join a church, and I did eventually find a small group that I absolutely fell in love with. I tried to get into some type of performance group here, but let's face it, I go to A&M, there's not much of a music scene here. As for school involvement, I got the privilege of being in a Freshman Leadership Organization called Aggie Fish Club, that ended up completely taking over my life, and I was blessed by every second of it.

Now, much to my dismay, AFC is officially over. On our last night with my Beautiful Buddy Huddle, we all hugged and cried. It was so sad, but we are all best friends, and we were comforted by this. There was a verse that kept going through my head during this, one that generally pertains to relationships.

"What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."

 I came home and looked this up, God has been showing me the importance of knowing his Word in context. It's Mark 10:9, and comes from a passage on divorce. Seeing this verse in context really gave me drive to continue to pursue the deep friendships that I have made this year in AFC. Before AFC, I didn't know what it really meant to love people. It's the second greatest commandment, "Love the Lord your God and love your neighbor as yourself." People are so wonderful. I feel like if I did not pursue my AFC friends,  it would be like divorce, forsaking beautiful and deep relationships that the Lord has given me. 

Ben Stuart, an awesome teacher of the Word at Texas A&M had recently preached on Mark 10 for Breakaway while we were going through the Gospel of Mark. He read the passage and then just kind of said, "Well, I'm going to talk tonight to those who come from divorced homes and kind of break down what that looks like biblically. To all of you who are not from divorced homes, take this as a learning opportunity to better understand this for your future."

I do not come from a divorced home, and I was kind of annoyed by this. I had prayed right before Breakaway for God to really challenge and break me that night, I was experience some stagnancy in my walk that week. Ben preached, and my friends around me who did come from homes with divorced families were really blessed by his talk, and I was just kind of left feeling dry. He did say some stuff that applied to me though...

Ben discussed how sometimes children from divorced families blame themselves and then act out in rebellion. I have seen this in some lost relationships of mine. Since I have become more distant physically and emotionally to a friends of mine, there have been so many changes that I haven't gotten to see. I feel like I've abandoned them and I blamed myself for this. I sought fulfillment in other relationships to get my mind off of this. I felt like their rebellion to the Lord was all my fault. 

How faithless of me! What God has planned for the future of others does NOT in the least rely on my presence. He is so much bigger than I am. This is something that I have learned to embrace and rejoice in. I have become far less stressed and far more reliant on the lord since He has revealed this truth to me. God's choice playing field is weakness and depravity.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." --2 Corinthians 12:9

I just got the "weakness" from this verse tattooed on the arch of my foot in greek. The greek translation takes the greek word for "strength" and puts an alpha before it, I guess meaning like "contrary to strength." Not just weak, but not strong, absence of strength. This further emphasizes the fact that goodness and strength comes from God alone. He has been showing this to me through people in my life and through my own situations lately. MY heart has absolutely nothing good in it apart from God. Any fruit or goodness in my life comes from only Him.
Leaving College Station and heading home is going to be weird. I am going to be more than happy to be done with school and responsibility for a while, but heading back to the land of materialism and status that is suburbia is going to be rough. I feel like every time I go home I have engaged in spiritual warfare and lost. Flower Mound is full of temptation to conform, and it is home to some of my greatest weaknesses of all, boys. Gosh. God help me. It's really tough. God is faithful though, and He is constantly reminding me that He has already won the battle for me. I am praying right now for Him to raise up a community for me and some solid friends who walk with Him to hold me accountable and remind me that I do not fight this good fight alone.


I suppose that's it for now.
I may or may not write another one after finals and after I find out whether or not I make AFC counselor. Who am I kidding. I'll write another one in a week or so. So, for now...


One Love,
Emily